November 3, 2013
Wow, having a really hard few days! Always in the morning when I wake up sad, sad about my life and where I currently am in it.  Wish I still had a family, either the one I had with my ex, or the family I had growing up! HaHa, I know, crazy, but that's just how I have been feeling lately, missing family, wanting family around, good friends, loved ones!  I have been divorced ten years, and many of those years I have been alone.  Now I want to reach out, and be with someone, try this again.  Even to have close friends around, to hang out with, get together with would be great too.  I really don't have that.  My good friends are very few, live far, and some are my sister in laws who have families and lives.  My life has been my children the past ten years, and now they are grown up, doing their own thing, and not always around.  I don't like them leaving, my entire life I wanted them with me because I lost them, and now they are grown up, ready to spread their wings and fly.  Boy, when that comes I don't really know how I will handle it, so sad, all grown up, and all the things I have done wrong. I know to not dwell on the negative, and to try to stay positive, but that is sometimes hard to do.  I have so much school work to do, I do not want to do anything.  So, I push myself ahead, pull my books out, get in another zone, and focus and concentrate on something totally different.  I guess diversion is a good thing, take your mind off the sadness and focus on something positive.  But, we do need to feel that sadness first, but get through it, not stuck there.  Like thinking of all the good things happening in your life and FOCUS on what to be grateful for, and we all have things!! As basic as your health, your home, your children, etc. you can come up with so many things to be grateful for!! I am so grateful for my three wonderful, beautiful children, I am grateful for the home over my head, and my extended family, my brothers, sister in laws, nieces, nephews and great nephews!! The children light up my life and comfort me in so many ways I feel it in my heart!