It's so different day to day when you are alone, in this world, and raising children. So much easier to be a family, a Mom, a Dad, and kids. To do everything yourself is tough enough, and you have to deal with girls moods, and teenager moods. Lately my children have been freaking out! Even yelling at me and telling me to "shut up!" Imagine that, 21 years old and she still thinks it's ok to tell your mother shut up! Hello, what happened to our children? Don't they know how to respect their elders? Are they victims of an abusive household? They are old enough now to know how to treat others, know what I expect from them, but still they do it. More the daughter that choose to stay with her father. And let me tell you, there is so much difference in my two daughters who are only eighteen months apart. The one who lives with him seems to complain more, criticize more, and sees people in the world a pain. Unfortunately, the man she lives with, her Dad, has been critical, negative and insulting to me his entire life. But, this is sad, she is my firt born, the one I loved to death, kissed every day, took pictures of every day, and never wanted to leave! I grew up with six brothers, and many nieces and nephews, I loved children like my Mother, and wanted them when I was eighteen years old!! At family functions I preferred to hang out with my nieces and nephews!! And now I have the privelage of hanging out with my niece and her two sons, my GREAT nephews. That's my love, being with my family and my babies!! I still want to Foster Parent, I am looking into it now. My duaghter would love a baby! We'll see what happens, what the Lord wants for me, and who he will send me. Someone who really needs a Mom to love them! But the daughter who lives with me, is not as negative, does not complain as much. She wants to be on her own with her sister in their own apartment, I get that. I was away at college at eighteen, fell in love with my husband, and lived together in School after the first year. I was a gymnast, he was a football player, and we worked out all year. Anyway, the past few days have been tough with everyone. Everyone's bitching and I am having a really hard time with my ex. We made decisions in Court three months ago to change the child support payment, and he still is not listening to the Judge's Court Order. He is trying to get out of paying me more money, and lying along the way. He has been harassing my children into changing their sleeping arrangements with me, all so he doesn't have to pay me child support! I had to pay him support from day one, and should never had to. Every time I went to Court, the Judge denied my request to drop support. It may have been the power and control people have over things. The individuals who are in powerful positions, can get away with anything. We all know how "corrupt" Bergen County is. Awful, just awful. My children and I can say how tough it's been due to the way my ex is and how he gets anything he wants in Court! Especially with Judge Torak, and Judge Guida, and Judge Melchionne. How truly unfair they each treated me, it's a sin, especially that me ex was so verbally abusive, and became physical the last few years!! When I went to Court to have my chld support re calculated due to my injuries from my car accident, and the children spent more overnights with me. I had letters from Doctors stating I could not work full time due to my injuries from my car accident. I still cannot work full time due to this! I layed in bed many days the first two years, then I finally figured out how to function in pain and get through the day. I was so active being a prior athlete, and lifted weights 5 to 6 times a week, I also am a personal trainer. I have tried to go back to work many times, and woke up the next day vomiting in so much pain, I assume from standing on my feel all day. I have bad neck pain, head pain, upper and lower back pain! That's all, but I still am searching for a way to heal, going to Doctors almost every day! Boring!! Anyway, what's the end result? The solution to all of this? It will get better, keep the faith, look at what I am grateful for, and start worrying about me, and taking care of MYSELF for a change. And enjoy the last few weeks of SUMMER! My most favorite time of the year!! I want it to last forever!!